Just to Make it Clearer

Just to Make it Clearer...

“Padfoot, get out of the leaves already! You’ve been in there forever!”

Padfoot barked his protest and once again dove in to the pile of leaves. When he resurfaced, he changed back into human form.

“Come on, Moony. Quit being such a spoilsport. It’d be more fun if you actually joined me,” he said.

“I’m not going in there. I just took a shower. Who knows how dirty those leaves are?!”

“Pfft, you’re such a girl,” Sirius said, and before Remus could retort, he was back in the leaves as Padfoot.

He swished around in the leaves for a few minutes while Remus sat on the ground and watched, laughing occasionally when Padfoot did something really dumb (which is actually more than occasionally).

“Hey, Moony, come help me out,” came a muffled voice from within the leaves, as an outstretched arm protruded from the pile.

Remus sighed and got up from the ground. When he reached the leaf pile, he cautiously stepped close enough to the pile so that he could reach Sirius’s hand, and not have to actually step into the pile. As soon as he grabbed the hand, he was pulled into the pile. Cursing his naiveté, he rolled over to his back and sat up, only to be pushed back down. Then there was something on his abdomen- a warm something. Once the leaves were brushed from his face, he could see Sirius, who was currently straddling  him and pinning his shoulders to the ground.

“Ha, I’ve got you now!” he yelled and pumped his fist in the air theatrically. It had started ou as a game, but now her found he quite like being this close to his friend, but in a way, he feared it, brcause it made him want to do things he wouldn’t normally think of going to a friend. Friends don’t have urges to stroke their friends‘ cheek, touch their hair, kiss- no, he wasn’t thinking these things; he’s only imagining, for curiosity’s sake.

“Yes, you do, Padfoot. Now can you let me go,” Remus said as he attempted to squirm out of Sirius’s hold, which wasn’t helping matters (both Remus’s and Sirius’s).

“Aww, you’re no fun,” Sirius whined. Although he knew he should get off Remus, not only for Remus’s sake, but for his own as well, if only to alleviate his sudden “curiosity,” but he couldn’t bring himself to do it right away; he was quite enjoying his friend’s warmth.

“Padfoot, you don’t want people to see and get the wrong idea, do you?”

Sirius jerked slightly, but replied, trying to sound as casual as possible. “Ha, and you think I care! Ha, again!” he exclaimed dramatically. Sirius Black plays it cool no matter what. He never gets flustered. And nonchalance is how he conceals his discomfort.

“Oh come on now, Padfoot, even you would care if people to think you were gay when you’re not”

“Who says I’m not?” he exclaimed without a second thought.

Remus laughed, until he saw the serious look on Sirius’s face. “Sirius…? You don’t really…?

“No, of course not!” he said unnecessarily loudly, mostly to emphasize the absurdity of such a thought, and partly because he was losing control of his voice. “I had you going there, didn’t I?

“Yeah…you did, actually. Good one. I admire your acting skills, Paddy.”

“I knew you would, Moon-ny…Aww no fair! I can’t change your nickname. I’m giving you a new one.”

He stared into space, tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. It’s amazing how quickly Sirius can change moods, even if he is only playing the part, but, as James says “there’s Sirius Black for ya.”

“Hmm, Moon, werewolf, wolf…” he muttered.

“Padfoot, really, you don’t--”

“I got it! Wolfboy, ha ha,” he said excitedly, ignoring Remus’s protests. “Yup, and then I can call you Wolfy for short. I’m a genius.”

Remus, “wolfy,” sighed and rolled his eyes. “That you are, Sirius. That you are.”

“C’ mon, Wolfy,” he said, stifling giggles- no, Sirius Black does not giggle; he guffaws- He roared with a manly laughter, and dragged Remus by the wrist. Of course, there was no need to do so; Remus would have followed anyways, but this is the way Sirius is, subconsciously making contact whenever possible.

“Where to?” Remus asked. He stared at the back  of his friends head, as if expecting it to answer. Instead, Sirius turned around, facing Remus completely.

“Don’t know,” he shrugged. “Where do you want to go?”

Remus rolled his eyes, hiding a smile, as these were his friend’s usual antics. “You know me, doesn’t matter.”

“Remus, do you always have to do that?”

“What?” he asked innocently. “What’d I do?”

“I ask you where you want to go and you answer, okay?”

“Um..okay…”

Sirius stared at him expectantly. “Well?”

“Well what?” Remus asked, an impish grin on his face.

“You’re supposed to answer!” Sirius said exasperatedly, throwing his arms in the air.

“You never asked the question,” Remus answered justifiably.

Sirius mock-glared at him. “You and your sporadic- yet matchless- wit.”

“Who me?” Remus said innocently, cocking his eyebrow not-so-innocently- one of the marauders' charming poses.

Sirius shifted his weight uncomfortably and dropped his gaze as he leaned against a nearby tree. Remus noticed this sudden change and looked worriedly at his friend.

“Something bothering you, Padfoot?”

Sirius slid down the tree until he was in a sitting position, still leaning up against the tree trunk.

“Well..” he looked up into his friend’s eyes, and lost all courage to say what he wanted so badly to release, to be rid off, finally; he thought maybe his friend would understand, if not explain to him that what he was feeling was normal (and maybe reciprocated). Remus’s intent and curious eyes made him avert his gaze again.

“You see…I have this friend…she likes this boy…but he’s …her friend, so it would be kind of awkward to start a relationship, if he likes him back, but he can’t stop the feelings h- she has. Maybe they’re not even feelings, maybe she’s just noticing things she never noticed before, maybe it means nothing. And even if they did…it would just ruin the friendship so never mind. Forget it.” He took a deep breath- rambling takes a lot out of you- and quickly got up from the ground dusted himself off, avoiding looking at Remus, who was looking pensively at Sirius.

“I think I get it,” he said finally.

Sirius looked up quickly. Remus looked awfully haughty. How did he know? “You do?”

“Yeah, just answer me one question?” Sirius gulped inaudibly, and nodded. “Is this ‘she’ really a he?”
Sirius nodded. Maybe it won’t ruin our friendship after all; he doesn’t seem too angry or appalled. That’s a good sign. Though he did look a bit overly cheery.

“And this ’he’ is actually a she, who is, in fact, Sandra Davies, and you are the ’he,’ am I correct?”

“Wha- no!” Sandra Davies, the Gryffindor chaser? Sure she was cute, and she and Sirius got along, but …that was definitely not who he was referring to. How could he get things so messed up? Maybe it’s a sign. Don’t tell Remus what you really mean. Keep it to yourself, he told himself. He repeated it five times in his head, hoping to reinforce the idea. Keep it to yourself.

“Padfoot?” Remus seemed to notice Sirius’s blank stare and was currently waving his hand in front of Sirius’s face. “Padfoot?”

“Keep it to yourself!” Sirius jolted out of his mental fortification.

Remus blinked confusedly, and asked “what?”

“Oh nothing, let’s go, huh?”

“Wait, Sirius, did you want my advice?”

“’Bout what?”

“Sandra, of course,” he replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Didn’t you want me to help you w-”

“No, it’s not Sandra,” Sirius said monotonously, not caring that it was rude to interrupt someone in the middle of a sentence.

“But, who then?” Remus asked. He seemed genuinely curious. Just like him to want to be helpful, Sirius thought.

“No one, I said  never mind, so let’s just forget it.”

“Sirius, you can’t forget it. Obviously it means something to you or you wouldn’t be brooding about it”

“Oh look, the king of brooding is gonna lecture me about not keeping secrets to myself, ha!” He had not meant to say it, especially not as bitterly as it had come out, but he did, and as soon as he saw Remus’s hurt expression he regretted even thinking it.

“Sirius…”

“I’m sorry. You’re right (as usual), I am brooding. I suppose it would help if I could just…vent a little.”
Remus smiled, and it made Sirius’s insides melt; if doing little things like talking made Remus smile, then he would gladly talk until the day he dies. It makes him happy just to see Remus happy.

“I love it when I make you smile,” he muttered to himself.

“What?” Remus asked, having only heard mumbling.

“Um, nothing, just…well, this person…this person is amazing, only I’ve just realized recently how I feel-well, maybe it’s not so recently. Maybe it’s been there for a while now, and it’s taken me this long…anyway, h-she has gorgeous golden-brown hair that shines this reddish color in the sunlight. It’s weird, I’ve never noticed before, and it’s really not noticeable at first glance, because most people just see the brown, but it’d really sort of cool, you know?” He broke off an looked into Remus’s intent gaze.

“And those eyes, they’re the same as his- her hair. Sure, they’re not red, but they are a really unique brown.” Sirius noticed that all the while he was speaking, he had been gazing into Remus’s eyes; he quickly averted his eyes.

“And h-she’s smart and funny, even if he tries to hide it, I know it’s there. And kind and understanding. I never knew there were people that kindhearted and unselfish. It’s unnatural how thoughtful ah, she is, and handso- I mean beautiful, even if she doesn’t think so (inside and out). I guess I find the humility sort of attractive, in a way.” He looked abashedly at Remus, who nodded in understanding, prompting Sirius to continue.

“Now I’ve said this person is a friend, and it would just complicate things even more if I tell him, than if I don’t, you know? I don’t want to lose the friendship I have with him.”

Remus pensive expression turned into one of surprise and realization. “Um..Padfoot? You just…you just said ‘him.’”

Sirius cringed at his mistake, but then he shrugged and thought “what the hell?” He grabbed his stunned and terrified-looking friend and kiss him on the mouth. Chaste, but effective, in his opinion. It gets the message across.

Remus looked at Sirius with wide eyes and mouth agape. After several seconds, he shook himself of the shock and found his voice.

“You just…you just…”

“Kissed you?” Sirius supplied, hoping he sounded way more casual than he was feeling, because a part of him was mentally throttling himself, another was terrified, and wanted to go back in time; however there was a small part of him that was hopeful, and anxious.

And if need be, he could play the whole incident off as a joke. Remus, no matter how book-smart and capable at  reading people he may be, was devoid of social common sense. In other words, he was socially clueless, at least in the areas of the heart.

Remus nodded dazedly. “But why…you just…you…”

“Kissed you, yes we’ve established that.” He hoped his arrogant demeanor would disguise his nervousness, although it could not conceal the shaking of his hands. He quickly stuffed them in his pockets.

“But…”

“If you say ‘you just, you just’ one more time-”

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologized absentmindedly. “It’s just that…well, why?

“Because…well, what do you think?”

“Is this some sort of way to emancipate your frustration because of this ‘he/she’ situation?”

Sirius sighed in frustration. First, he was thinking “who says ‘emancipate?’” and secondly, “for a braniac, Remus sure is slow on the uptake.”

“Want me to make it clearer?” Sirius exclaimed, and without waiting for a response he grabbed Remus by his shoulders again and kissed him again, this time more deeply. When he pulled back he smiled unsurely. “That clear enough for you? It was you. You’re the ‘he,’  or the ‘she,’ or whatever- it doesn’t matter. It’s you! Got it?!”

“No,” Remus replied calmly. Sirius looked at him incredulously. Remus smiled mischievously. “Could you make it clearer?”

Sirius smiled once he realized what he was insinuating, and kissed him again, this time, Remus returned the kiss with just as much passion.

“That better?” Sirius asked once they broke apart, foreheads rested together.

“Just asking,” he shrugged innocently. “Although, if you wanted to explain it more in depth…”

“Just to make it clearer…”